#2598 (+|-)
(Rated: -1) [QDigg / QShare]
<mr_hai> i need this woman in me
<mr_hai> wait
<mr_hai> the other way around
<pie> ...
<pie> hot lesbian sex?
<mr_hai> lawl she would >:3
#2597 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<HackTalker_1337> guys
<HackTalker_1337> I planted 20 bucks
<HackTalker_1337> in my garden
<HackTalker_1337> I'm hoping a money tree sprouts
<HackTalker_1337> I added fertilizer
<HackTalker_1337> and I used a high grade soil
<WizZ> wtf..
<HackTalker_1337> amidonitrite?
<WizZ> High mich?
<HackTalker_1337> NOU
#2596 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<Alusa> i cant help but wanna laugh in time every time i see the name cyberman
<Alusa> for some reason my mind keeps remembering this clip from a random movie i cant remember the name of where this guy was passed out and his friends were drawing a dick on his face with a perminant marker
<CyberMaN> lol good times and fond memories....
<hth> SO IT WAS YOU
*CyberMaN has kicked hth from #intern0t (NO IT WAS NOT)
*hth (*****) has joined #intern0t
<hth> yes it was.
#2595 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
(+George) any reason why i have been delinked
(+Scott`AFK) George
(+Scott`AFK) if u knew anything about ur server u wud know that u havnt been delink
(+Scott`AFK) ur provider went down
#2594 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<Shinigami345> Hey, guys... remember that shit 'My Little Pony'? Well, I was thinkin about this today, and I can't
<Shinigami345> remember... did they have powers? Like, I remember they could fly, but I thought they also had little
<Shinigami345> symbols on the hip or something that gave them powers, but they were like, lame-ass powers like
<Shinigami345> Sharing and Honor or some shit. My little sister used to have them and I'd play GI Joes with them, like,
<Shinigami345> GI Joe would fly into battle on My Little Pony, then blast Cobra with a fuckin machine gun
<Shinigami345> i didn't think it was THAT long :P
<Peach> ..o.o
<Shinigami345> and no that isn't what s/he said
<Xires> !quote 2589
<Taylor> Quote 2589:
<Taylor> <Marxist> are you sure you're not gay?
<Taylor> <Shinigami345> not at all
<Shinigami345> ooo you wern't off buying shet or you just got back
* Shinigami345 was lied to
<Shinigami345> and i'm not gay GI Joes are involved
<Shinigami345> Does batman have nipples? cause I was talking to some people today and they were like blah blah blah he doesn't have nipples you're crazy but I was like how can he not he's human after all what hapened did he get a doctor to sergically remvoe them or something?
<Peach> Yes
<Shinigami345> orly? cause you like never see them in the pictures when hes wearing his skin tight shirt
* Peach honesly doesn't know
<Shinigami345> even when its like 2 C out he's not nipping
#2593 (+|-)
(Rated: 2) [QDigg / QShare]
Testing a bot:
<Z> prealpha: What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
<prealpha> Z: Command unknown: "what is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
<Xires> prealpha; what is the air speed velocity of a lady that swallows?
<prealpha> Xires: Command unknown: "what is the air speed velocity of a lady that swallows?"
<Xires> yeah, me neither, I'll ask when she gets home
#2592 (+|-)
(Rated: 1) [QDigg / QShare]
Sparky[Away] [Sparky@pool-141-152-152-26.norf.east.verizon.net] is now known as Sparky
<+Sparky> I am now back from: 0ing
<+joker> Sparky: Stfu, nobody gives a shit
<@Joah> LOL
<+joker> Joah: Stfu, my fountain pen has been inside more pussy than you have
<+Sparky> LOL
#2591 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<Drakk> but I'm also queer
<MNG> what do you want me to do...
<Drakk> Put your hand between them! :D
<MNG> Okayyyyy
<Drakk> lol, no war horn! ( get it?!)
#2590 (+|-)
(Rated: 4) [QDigg / QShare]
<@Zamani> I once had this crapy program called virtua girls
<@Zamani> and one day I was like half naked and my mom walked in while the girl was moving around on my screen
<@Zamani> and she like, ow you are always here in your room
<@Zamani> watching this
<@Zamani> aaaah
#2589 (+|-)
(Rated: -1) [QDigg / QShare]
<Marxist> are you sure you're not gay?
<Shinigami345> not at all
#2588 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<twitch> Clone/Storm Trooper outfit v Sith/Jedi robe and possibly tunic
<twitch> what would you get?
<Xires> ....
<Xires> a life
#2587 (+|-)
(Rated: -1) [QDigg / QShare]
<xor> ande ban me
* ande sets ban on *!*@evilzone.bot
* Evilbot removes ban on *!*@evilzone.bot
<xor> muahahaha
<xor> Xires, ban me :P
* xor has quit (User is banned (requested))
* xor (Evilbot@hide-D463E62F.lns7.pie.bigpond.net.au) has joined #evilzone
* Evilbot gives channel operator status to xor
* Evilbot sets channel limit to 31
<Xires> wb xor
<IFailStuff> wb D:
<xor> bish
<loverboy> pwnt xor ? :D
<xor> power abuse xD
<xor> server banned me :P
<ande> damn you haxor
<Xires> <xor> Xires, ban me :P
<xor> I should be more specific with my request next time.
#2585 (+|-)
(Rated: -1) [QDigg / QShare]
<IncaWarrior> i believe i am god, but not an omnipotent god, if that was true then i would get into some paradox, like how i create a rock i can't move
#2584 (+|-)
(Rated: 1) [QDigg / QShare]
<Rage> Griob; pay me 50 bucks for a bj?
<IFailStuff> fuck you
<Griob> rage, he answered it for you.
<Rage> you'd fuck me?
<Griob> no.
#2583 (+|-)
(Rated: 1) [QDigg / QShare]
<+JNSamuel> after i babysit today, im going to the pub and getting as much guinness as my body can handle
<+kcj1993> Why?
<+JNSamuel> because i wanna get pissed?
<+grimz> but why guiness?
<+JNSamuel> after you say.. im going to the pub. no one should ask questions
<+kcj1993> what a waste of money
<+JNSamuel> guinness is the best
<+grimz> for liquid bread =P
<+grimz> I prefer stella honestly >.<
<+grimz> but it is just preference
<+JNSamuel> i prefer grolsch over stella
<+JNSamuel> that stuff is wife beating juice
<+grimz> well wrap me in a wife beater and call me hank
<+Plazma> wife beating juice?
<+JNSamuel> lol
<+grimz> grolsch is good too though
<+grimz> idk, guiness just doesn't do it for me
<+JNSamuel> Plazma: well, that's what is famously called. it makes some people aggressive
<+JNSamuel> it's*
<+grimz> different jokes for different folks
<+Plazma> ahh
<+grimz> perfect for the internet!
<+grimz> drink stella get on /b
<+Plazma> my refined pallet can only accept pabst blue ribbon
#2582 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<+narada> still working on some mpd issues
<+arotix> mpd?
<+arotix> my penis disfunction?
<+narada> Music Player Daemon
<+arotix> shit, should have wrote male insread of my
<+arotix> >.<
<+arotix> would have been more credible
#2581 (+|-)
(Rated: -1) [QDigg / QShare]
<Adlez> god damn my gf is being a bitch
* Scub resists
<Adlez> why are girls so damn bitchy
<narada> Back in my day vampires sucked blood, not cocks.
<Linkeh> lol
#2580 (+|-)
(Rated: 1) [QDigg / QShare]
<DestroyerE> i need some ideas for what I'm gonna ask santa for
<Mazca> a whole cow, frozen and divided into five exactly equal parts
<DestroyerE> ok...
<DestroyerE> i'll do that
<Mazca> send it back if the parts aren't exactly equal
<DestroyerE> ok
#2579 (+|-)
(Rated: 1) [QDigg / QShare]
<glowsun> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<glowsun> and got mauled
<glowsun> and people were talking about how there should have been better defenses put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<glowsun> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<glowsun> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in
#2578 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<aestetix> This is more of a good birthday present idea which lead to my mate getting dumped by his GF.
<aestetix> She couldn't afford buying him a bday present, so she gave him a bunch of slips for meals, massages, blowjobs etc.
<aestetix> She dumped him because for weeks he'd pull out a blowjob slip everytime they'd have an argument.
#2577 (+|-)
(Rated: 2) [QDigg / QShare]
JimBob2814: I actually tried Superman 64
JimBob2814: yes, it is.
Rawlsaur: Is it actually as bad as they say?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: no, you're just predictable
Rawlsaur: Are you psychic or something?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: NO I WON'T
Rawlsaur: STOP DOING THAT!
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: haha
#2576 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<MurderMachine> So did I ever tell you the story of how my parents met?
<DryBones> Nope.
<MurderMachine> Well, there are two versions I guess.
<DryBones> How?
<MurderMachine> The story my Mum tells is: A group of idiots pushed her over while ice skating and my Dad heroically went over and helped her up.
<MurderMachine> The story my Dad tells is: He paid a group of idiots to go push her over so he could go heroically help her up.
<DryBones> ROFL
<MurderMachine> I have been paid not to tell her.
#2575 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
datagram: Hey
janelle: im janelles sister, im 16
janelle: she's away
datagram: Well hello there
datagram: Are you young and impressionable?
janelle: she warned me about you already
#2574 (+|-)
(Rated: 3) [QDigg / QShare]
<dessin> I got a spam email about a week back that slipped through my filter
<dessin> usually they don't get through, I get maybe one or two every year
<dessin> so I open up the headers and it turns out there's a yahoo account as the reply-to
<dessin> figured it's a long shot but I emailed it saying "stop sending me spam, asshole"
<dessin> turns out this guy is a complete dumbass and actually put his real email in the reply to - emails me back saying "fuck you, I'll spam who I want" and asking how I got his email and shit
<iggi> lol
<dessin> so I checked the headers again and found the IP that the email was sent from
<dessin> did a geoip lookup and got a pretty specific location in london, and found the local exhange from google maps
<dessin> and it was kinda out of the way in london so the exchange maybe covered 600 houses or so
<dessin> so I print off like 1000 leaflets saying "there is a spammer in your area, if you have any information please forward it to the police" and stuff
<dessin> took a train to london, two bus changes to the area
<iggi> wtf hahaha
<dessin> went round and posted the leaflets through every house in the area
<dessin> anyway this morning I get an email from the guy asking how I found his house and begging me not to tell the police
<iggi> ROFL HAHAHAHAHA!!
<iggi> massive overkill man
<dessin> I fucking hate spam :P
#2573 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
* Now talking on #pharyngula
<the_leif> I remind you, I rather do adore engaging in intercourse, however I am preferential to recieving oral stimulation.
<pastafarian> really?
<pastafarian> that is indeed surprising
<RokiB> the_leif, man or woman
<pastafarian> a man, obviously
<the_leif> Word.
<RokiB> why would you prefer oral to sweet sweet vag
<the_leif> Well, in the event that either instance occurs, an african male must achieve ejaculation
<pastafarian> and an asian one?
<the_leif> I don't think Three Six Mafia afforded for that.
#2572 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
* Cippy plays with mWalk some more.
<mWalk> Don't worry cippy
<mWalk> I'm disease free
<Eji> hah
<Cippy> not any more
<mWalk> ...
#2571 (+|-)
(Rated: 1) [QDigg / QShare]
<Crispy`> my friend is making my other friend's girlfriend rage on facebook by arguing with her about how Twilight is the dumbest shit ever
<Crispy`> so I created Twilight for Men.
<Crispy`> government scientist fused DNA with Hayden P. and Mila Kunis to create the hottest woman ever with big titties and a nice ass, and she's all over my dick but it turns out she's a pirate and I'm like "omg but I want to be a pirate" and she's all naked near me and shit and I'm like "you're the most perfect thing ever" ... See Moreand she's like "I know, now fuck me"
<Crispy`> and then all the sudden it turns out the government actually made someone else who was fused from the DNA of Kristen Bell and Elisha Cuthbert and she shows up and is like "what the fuck but I want your dick more." and I'm like "D:"
<Crispy`> and then the Kristen and Elisha fusion is like "OH AND IM A NINJA SHITYEAH" and I'm like "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK NINJAS VS PIRATE" and then this was my face when they were fighting a war near me " :O "
<Crispy`> with none of them wearing shirts oh and they all have super nice tits and are not fat at all and are the most perfect looking women ever and then they all want my dick so bad it's hard for me to choose and also whether I want to be a Ninja or Pirate it's a very tough decision.
#2570 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<colin> someone told me to take a box of kleenex when i went to auschwitz the first time
<colin> SEVEN HOURS i was there, and there was NOTHING worth jerking off to
#2569 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<erin> Dammit, Windows! I KNOW the program is not responding. That's why I'm trying to close it.
#2568 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: supb. asl?
Stranger: 28/m/haiti
You: so what's shakin?
Stranger: FUCK YOU!
Stranger: YOU FUCKIGN ASSHOLE
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
#2567 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<allesklar> So I went to the bar. Asked for a drink Haitian style. The bartender looked at my funny, I said Shaken, not Stirred
#2566 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<massacre> Rosti, can I ask you something as a close friend?
<Rosti_LFC> you could ask me something as a complete stranger, but go ahead
<massacre> Do you reckon Emma would go out with me if I asked her?
<Rosti_LFC> errr....
<Rosti_LFC> ask her yourself?
<massacre> no fucking way until I get a second opinion
<Daz> dude she's in the channel
<massacre> no she isn't
<Rosti_LFC> yeah she is mate, look up
<Rosti_LFC> she got op'd yesterday
<massacre> fuck
<massacre> PLAN B
<massacre> spam the channel
<massacre> with text
<massacre> so it goes
<Audia> hi
<massacre> off her scrollback
<Rosti_LFC> ahaha
<massacre> FUCK
* massacre has quit (PLAN C!!!)
<Audia> I'm going to go install Windows 7 right now
<Audia> so I'll be offline for a bit
<Audia> if he gets the balls to come back in here in the meantime tell him the answer is yes
<Rosti_LFC> rofl
* Audia has quit (QUIT)
<Rosti_LFC> that was some hardcore nerd courtship ritual right there
<Daz> Oh man, I wish I could fuck up asking a girl out that badly and still succeed
#2565 (+|-)
(Rated: 1) [QDigg / QShare]
<Nub> Can someone explain to me how cells divide?
<K4rli> o
<K4rli> 0
<K4rli> 8
<K4rli> oo
#2564 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<MegaMari> She's gone
<MegaMari> mom's gone
<Snack> I'm right here young man
<Snack> you're grounded
<MegaMari> not funny
<MegaMari> not even slightly
<MegaMari> she died this afternoon
#2563 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<foley> I went to a convention in Ohio with a few months ago
<foley> got chatting to some girl, she was pretty hot
<foley> kinda into "neo-femenism" and shit, which was a bit of a bummer, but no big deal
<+dEk> sucks
<foley> nah, wasn't like she was a man hater or anything that severe
<foley> anyways, she kept saying "I'm sure I know you from somewhere"
<foley> and I was sure I knew her too but we couldn't figure out where
<foley> about 30 mins later she stopped mid conversation, walked over to the buffet, picked up a glass of water, threw it over me and stormed off
<foley> for no fucking reason, I was like wtf
<+dEk> wtf
<foley> on the drive home I realised where I knew her from
<foley> remember that girl I stalked for like 3 months when I lived in Washington? well guess what, it's a small world.
<+dEk> O_O
#2562 (+|-)
(Rated: 1) [QDigg / QShare]
(+ware) I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
(+ware) slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo
(+ware) stressed and life seems to get funny?
(+ware) Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car,
(+ware) looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
(+ware) So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"... and
(+ware) THAT'S when the fight started . .
#2561 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<Legion|work> hm
<Legion|work> so the b3ta newsletter describes a theory that all film titles are funnier if you substitute one of the words with "sausage" or "sausages"
<Legion|work> I submit for your consideration "Sausage in 60 Seconds" and "The Green Sausage"
<Mac^Work> Terminator 2: Sausage Day
<Legion|work> "Sausages on a Plane"
<Niyx> Harry Potter and the Philosopher's sausage
<Mac^Work> Alice in Sausageland gives a whole new outlook on teh film...
<Legion|work> PMSL
<Legion|work> "The Lion, the Witch and the Sausage"?
<Legion|work> (I'd prefer "The Witch, the Wardrobe and the Sausage" but I think that's cheating)
<^RaK^> The Sausage in the Willows ?
<Legion|work> A Beautiful Sausage
<Mac^Work> How to train your sausage
<Legion|work> Buffalo Sausages
<Legion|work> (or alternatively Sausage Soldiers, which is perhaps even better)
<Mac^Work> Hot Tub Sausage Machine
<Legion|work> Sausage for Private Ryan
<Niyx> Sausage Club
<Legion|work> Sausage at Tiffany's?
<Mac^Work> Furry sausage
<Niyx> There's something about sausage
<Legion|work> Iron Sausage / Sausage Man
<Niyx> The men who stare at sausages
<Legion|work> WINNER!
#2560 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<Turkeyslam> oh man I saw pure gold at lunch, I was sitting near this group of black guys at a table and they all had tucked in shirts and shit, looked educated, I think they were studying calculus or something
<Turkeyslam> and across from there, there was another table with a bunch of white guys, all ghetto looking, three of them wore fucking grills, sagging pants, and one was playing some 50 cent ringtone or some shit
<Turkeyslam> going "yeah boiiii"
<Turkeyslam> and one of the black guys in the table next to me muttered "fucking niggers"
<Turkeyslam> I choked on my fucking jolt cola
#2559 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<Mio> shinji I AM YOUR FATHER
<Mio> AND MOTHER
<shinji> Go fuck yourself
<shinji> Oh wait
#2558 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<TwoPointOh> ZenGwen: do you get easily offended by references to 9/11?
<ZenGwen> no
<TwoPointOh> okay
<TwoPointOh> i had a great idea for a t-shirt
#2557 (+|-)
(Rated: 1) [QDigg / QShare]
<SpannerGO0> HEY BICTHES
*** SpannerGO0 was kicked by sam88 (don't be a douche)
<BicThes> he was talking to me i think
<sam88> whoops
#2556 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<redcurl> i have successfully creeped myself out to the point i can't sleep
<redcurl> i was reading an article about stange things, like the bermuda triangle and they mentioned shadow people
<redcurl> you ever see something out of the corner of your eye? like a person or something but it's not there when you turn to look? or it walks through a wall or something?
<TMH> only when i'm baked as hell
<redcurl> we used to have that really bad at my old house- there was a long hallway all the rooms were off and if you were at the kitchen table you'd see someone walk from room to room without anyone else there.
<redcurl> i hadn't thought about it in years.
<redcurl> so now i'm all creeped out
<TMH> shadow people coming to get youuuuuuu
<redcurl> SHUT UP
<TMH> actually no really have you thought about them
<TMH> if they hide a lot maybe they just want to be left alone
<TMH> and if they can walk through physical objects then surely they can't actually touch physical objects
<TMH> how do they live? how do they eat? do they reproduce?
<redcurl> shush
<TMH> MAYBE THEY REPRODUCE BY SLEEPING WITH US
<redcurl> i don't want to think about it. i'll get more creeped out.
<TMH> oh god oh god oh god
<TMH> ever had a really good sex dream?
<TMH> SHADOW PEOPLE
<redcurl> STEVE WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN
<redcurl> WAAAAAH
#2555 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<Rage> i feel so used that i was a pawn in her chess game to get you D:
<hth> you were more of a knight
<hth> Which means you get a pony!
<Rage> WOOT
#2554 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<Rage> in hebrew school, i used to draw cartoons of hitler before i knew who he was, something about his mustache captured me
<Griob> wow fail.
<Rage> moar like epic win
#2553 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<SubSyn> casus = 58 yr old wrinked dude wanking
* Xires winks
<hth> lol hai xires
<Xires> oh, WANKING, n/m
#2552 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<ndshacker> Can anyone (casus) say birthday sex?
<Casus> birthday... nope, can't say it hun
<Casus> I tried, I did
<Casus> But then the sex part came, and I gagged ;)
<ndshacker> Only on me hunny
<ndshacker> Only on me
#2551 (+|-)
(Rated: 1) [QDigg / QShare]
<kairu> wow i cant make shit tonight =/
<louve> try eating some fiber
#2550 (+|-)
(Rated: 0) [QDigg / QShare]
<Xires> you were still new to C
<Cyrus> I mean, for crying out loud, I wrote a pile of crap called Hacker's Office 2000 in Visual Basic.
* Cyrus shudders.
<Xires> it's to be expected
* Xires tries to stifle laughter
#2549 (+|-)
(Rated: 2) [QDigg / QShare]
<connection> sadly though, it seems I've replaced one problem with another
<connection> I'm no longer as depressed as I was
<connection> but I think I'm a techno-addict
<BoBeR> thats okay
<hth> lol connection
<hth> that's fine
<Xires> LOL
